Whether you are a long time CEO or the king of the cubical just now starting your career, your interpersonal skill are critical to your success. Those soft skills that allow you to interact with people effectively and harmoniously.
Have you ever known someone who people were just “drawn to”? She’s amazing. He’s so great! There are certain people you’d rather work with.
If you currently lead people or aspire to lead people, if want to work in a productive, passionate environment – your people skills are critical.
The entrepreneur knows this, because they have to convince people to invest in their idea, follow their vision, and work ridiculously long and hard in the hopes that maybe their thing is successful.
The Nontrepreneur uses these same soft skills to creative incredibly cohesive teams, be phenomenally productive, get to work remotely, get promoted or whatever other goal you may have.
Soft skills aren’t hard to learn but you may have to unlearn your current management style or the way you are interacting with your co-workers.
So much of this is just being aware and having a genuine interest in the success of those around you.
When I was a kid, we moved a lot. I went to nine different elementary schools by the time I was in 7th grade. I didn’t start and finish a year at the same school, with the same kids until I was in 8th grade. And while that certainly had its challenges it taught me at an early age to read a room. How to not just fit in, but thrive in every new environment.
Obviously I didn’t realize it at the time, but looking back, it was actually pretty simple… I followed three rules.
First - Be nice, I mean, c’mon.
Second - Listen, which in and of itself is an underrated skill.
Third, and the most important one was - figure out what made the other kids happy. And see how you could help. Assess what you could bring to the situation.
Now as kids it was usually pretty simple, kids want to laugh, and kids want to play. And honestly, even as adults, who doesn’t like to laugh and play.
This might sound silly, or too simple, but think about it in terms of work.
I bet you’re drawn to the people in your office who are nice. People who have a genuinely pleasant disposition.
So, I have to ask…are you nice? Are you enjoyable to work with?
Imagine if I had shown up in the middle of that 5th grade school year and was a jerk, was cocky, rude and bossy – how many kids would have wanted to play with me?
None.
My life would have been miserable.
You might be saying “they don’t pay me to be nice. They pay me to get a job done. And sometimes you gotta be a hard ass” – sure sometimes. But, not all the time.
And for every Steve Job’s maniacal management style you can throw at me, I can offer you Lysni Synder CEO of In And Out Burger, Docu-Sign’s Daniel Springer, Colleen Wegmen, of Wegmen’s Food Markets – These are CEO’s with killer track records and amazing people skills, beloved by their employees.
We all know the saying, don’t confuse kindness for weakness.
I’ve fired people, fired agencies, written people up and employed every disciplinary action corporate America wants to dream up. But you can still be nice.
Or fill in whatever synonym you want if you don’t like nice.
Pleasant – Kind – Thoughtful - Compassionate – Benevolent – Respectful.
Again – this isn’t about being soft, it’s about being someone people want to work with, people want to follow.
The second thing I did as the new kid to survive and still do today to thrive is listen.
I’m going to drop a few clichés on you but only because they are true.
The first one is; The reason you have two ears and one mouth is so you can listen twice as much as you talk.
And the second one, and this one’s legit: Are you really listening, or just waiting for your turn to talk?
An article published in phycology today said that research shows that only about 10 percent of us listen effectively.
Here’s a quote from that article:
“We often think that we are listening but we're actually just considering how to jump in to tell our own story, offer advice, or even make a judgment, in other words, we are not listening to understand, but rather to reply.”
So when I was that scared-to-death nine year-old, changing schools in the 4th grade for the 2nd time – listening was critical. Listening was how I found out who the bully was, what made the teacher mad.
Dutch professor Henri Nouwen wrote: “The beauty of listening is that, those who are listened to start feeling accepted.”
Are you listening to your co-workers, your employees, your bosses? I mean listening to understand or just listening to reply.
The third and most important thing I did when I would show up halfway through the school year, new town, new teacher, new class, was figure out what the other kids wanted, and see how I could help.
Now again as I as said, as a kid, this was usually pretty simple. This guy want’s someone to color with, she wants someone to kick the ball around, he’s trying to act silly to get some attention.
But this principle, the principle of figuring out what some else wants or needs in order for you to get what you want or need is exactly what the traditional entrepreneur does.
Entrepreneurs create products that help people, that make things better or easier.
When Jen Rubio and Steph Korey set out to make the perfect suitcase they believed, they were “solving a personal pain point for a lot of people.”
The Nontrepreneur understands that if they can solve the personal pain points of their bosses, their employees, their clients, their co-workers, then they themselves will be incredibly successful!
Understand what the people around you want and figure out how you can help them get it.
You might think I’m over simplifying, but entrepreneurs use these three people-based ideologies to build businesses, Nontrepreneurs use them to lead, grow, develop and thrive.
So why not give it a shot.
Be nice. Be someone people want to work with.
Listen. Listen to learn. You’ll be amazed at what the people around you are actually saying.
Finally, understand what the people around you want and figure out how you can help them get it. Do that enough times and you’ll get exactly what it is YOU are looking for in life.
It doesn’t matter where you are on the hierarchy, or what you do for a living – I encourage you to start acting like a Nontrepreneur today.
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